“The world is too much with us.” – William Wordsworth

Summer Short 4
On Expansion

I finally read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankel this winter. I believe summer should be reserved for lighter reading material, Girl on the Train etc. While reading, I found myself in his description of those who were mentally strong in the face of such horrible adversity. Frankel wrote, “Sensitive people who were used to a rich intellectual life may have suffered much pain (they were often of a delicate constitution), but the damage to their inner selves was less. They were able to retreat from their terrible surroundings to a life of inner riches and spiritual freedom.”

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“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Summer Short 3
Gathering Branches

There have been lots of big, thundery rain storms this summer. The kind that scare you even though you are way too big to be scared by thunderstorms anymore. The wind doesn’t howl, it screams. The rain doesn’t fall, it is driven, hard, merciless, and torrential. The trees do not sway, they creak, bend and moan, their fine limbs ripped away. Sometimes they are fully uprooted.

Being human, it is inevitable that you will be hurt and that you will hurt others. Unintended hurts are as common as small branches scattered on the ground after a storm. But I have found that it is the unacknowledged hurts that really uproot us.

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“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” – Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr

Summer Short 2
Life on the Playground

When my kids first entered school I noticed how little things had changed since I was in pigtails. The alphabet song was still going strong, the mixed bouquet of Elmer’s Glue and water-based paints still lingered in the air, kids still ate their sandwiches with the crust carefully cut off and sat in circles on the floor with their legs crossed, as we used to say, Indian Style. Being PC wasn’t really a thing then.
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“Slow down, you move too fast, you got to make the morning last. Just kicking down the cobble stones, looking for fun and feelin’ groovy.” -Simon and Garfunkel

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Happy Summer!  I know, I know, I’ve been away a long time. Many have asked where I’ve been?  I’ve been here, just really busy etc.. Blah, blah, blah. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever. But I’m back!  With some new, shorter (!) pieces, I’m calling, “Summer Shorts.”

I will try to write one a day but let’s not count on that, ok?  Don’t hold me to it.  It’s summer and there is lots of nothing that need to get done and if not by me, than who?

Without further adieu, here is the first Summer Short.  Speaking of being busy….
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“If we have no peace, it’s because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” – Mother Teresa

Tangled pile of colored Christmas lights on plexi-glass

In a surprising, uncharacteristic lapse in order and tidiness, last January 2nd, I yanked all the lights off our Christmas tree and rather than carefully and meticulously wrapping them around their designated spools specifically bought for their neat and organized storage, I threw the tangled heap into a big red plastic bin, muttered “Fa la la la la, la la la la” and slammed down the lid.

Well, sort of. A word starting with the letter “f” was definitely involved though.

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“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The cave you fear to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.” – Joseph Campbell

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I am going to gently assume some of you may know that I am attempting to write a novel. For over a year now.  Even fewer of you are probably wondering, how it is going? Well, let me tell you. Not good, that’s how. Thanks for asking. Up to this point, I’d give it an all around solid D+ and that just isn’t going to get me on the NY Times Best Seller list one day, is it?
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“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” – Rumi

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I.

My father died this summer. Now if you are counting, and I am, that would make 5 loved ones in my immediate family in less than 4 1/2 years. Husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law, dog and father. Some of you might take issue with me including our dog on that list but if you are madly in love with your pets, like any rational person is, than you know what a loss that was to my children and me.

After my father died, I was having dinner with a friend who is in her early forties and had not up to this moment in time, experienced anyone close to her dying. “I guess I’ve been really fortunate in that way, ” she observed. But as soon as the words left her mouth, it was if a cloud blew over the sun that was shining down on her because in that moment, a shadow passed over her face as she realized maybe for the first time, that her virgin status in this regard was finite. That her luck would end. She had not escaped this loss, it had only been delayed. Continue reading

“Why must people kneel down to pray? If I really wanted to pray I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d go out into a great big field all alone or in the deep, deep woods and I’d look up into the sky—up—up—up—into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness. And then I’d just feel a prayer.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

 

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I.

Although I was raised having to go to Catholic Mass every week, I do not go nor do I make my children go regularly. In fact, the last time I regularly went to church was probably before I got my driver’s license at age 17 because once I had that baby in the back pocket of my Calvin Kleins, I was able to tell my mother I’d gone to 5 o’clock mass when in fact, I’d gone to get ice cream with some of the other sinners…I mean friends, and walked around town. Someone would go in first and grab some weekly bulletins that I would later unfold from previously mentioned Calvin Klein’s and oh so casually leave on the kitchen table to serve as proof of my attendance. I’m sure I wasn’t fooling my mother but when you have 4 or more kids, which we Catholics were known for back in the day, the ruse was good enough most of the time.
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“To keep on filling, is not as good as stopping. Overfilled, the cupped hands drip, better to stop pouring.” – Tao Te Ching

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Sometimes it can be hard for me to remember that life is not actually an all-inclusive resort vacation in Bali, complete with a varying itinerary which includes a whirlwind of exhilarating adventures and stimulating experiences with a money-back guarantee if it isn’t fulfilling and meaningful everyday. Whether through movies or just a general, all-media infusion, there are many moments in which I find it difficult to come to grips with the fact that my life isn’t as big or extraordinary as I believe it sometimes should be. That it is, in fact, an ordinary life.

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“I don’t believe that life is supposed to make you feel good, or to make you feel miserable either. Life is just supposed to make you feel.” – Gloria Naylor

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Mrs. Frolich had unflinching poise. She was so couth she made you feel uncouth just standing near her but that was never her intent just a natural consequence of being in her presence. Her hair was always swept up off her face in an elegant loose bun. Thick and buttery white, it was like a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Her skin was pale with a hint of blue undertone that she offset with her Max Factor orangey-red lipstick that few people can pull off without looking garish. Mrs. Frolich was one of them. She wore no rouge because she knew better and she was always dressed in feminine suits with straight skirts falling properly just below the knee that emphasized her thin figure and gave a hint of her life before. Of tea, lunches, garden clubs and martinis at five. I never saw her lying in her bed, rather she always sat upright with her ankles crossed like you imagine she learned at etiquette school and she never went without her L’eggs pantyhose in Nude. Once in awhile there was a pair hanging apologetically to dry on her shower bar and the plastic egg shell they came in could be found in her wastebasket discreetly pushed down below the tissues and empty Lipton tea bag envelopes. Her eyes were a shiny sea blue, watchful and solemn that were looking out in earnest for some explanation of how she’d come to be here. After all, she’d only blinked.

Mrs. Frolich was 81 years old when I met her. I was 15.

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